Coco's Visit & Wren's Blessing

Bag Lady was already planning to come help with the baby, but when I tried to die in childbirth she became extra-anxious to assist. She decided to bump her flight up a few days so she'd get here earlier and have as much time as possible with us - 13 days. I knew she wanted to be put to work, so when she arrived I told her that her first task was to clean her own bathroom and make up her bed. I never got the bathroom or anything else cleaned after Mamo left. I would have felt a lot worse about that if Bags hadn't repeatedly and emphatically told me how much she wanted to help.

Bags was amazing. She was tireless. She needed to work on her final paper for her grad school class while she was here. I kept encouraging her to take time to work on it, but she put everything aside and did all she possibly could around here. She changed all the diapers, shopped for groceries, made all the food, cleaned, and took care of the kiddies so I could nap as much as possible. She could not have been more helpful. She's a chip off the Mamo block. I took advantage. In fact, I even had her double some of the recipes she made so that I could deliver the extra food to people in the ward who were sick or had also just had babies. They thought I was so nice. Sometimes I gave credit where credit was due.

Wren's first bath was hurriedly performed by Jim over the kitchen sink. Ever looked on:

I encouraged use of the newborn bathtub, but Jim just wanted to git 'er done. (In that first pic, he's trying to clean gunk out of her eye caused by a blocked tear duct.)

Later, Bags and I gave Wren her first real bath in the bathtub. She was amazing. Unlike Ever, who screamed the whole time during her early baths, Wren was very good and quiet. No crying.

Bags and I took lots of pictures of her sleeping (and stretching):

We introduced her to Gilmore Girls, but it was lost on her.

Best snuggler ever (note Bags's and my matching Friday Night Lights shirts):

One day Bags unswaddled Wrenzo and tried to get photos of her stretching. Wrenzo didn't really perform, but Bags got some nice pictures:

Ever has been all over Wrenzo since day 1. She adores her and is so sweet and gentle with her. She strokes her softly, calls her "sweetie," "sweetheart," and, for a time, "babe-uh" and "my baby," and gives her sweet kisses: 

Bags captioned this one "Whitney and her girls." I love that I have "girls," plural:

Once in a while, Wrenzo was awake:

Wren was born with a freakishly strong neck:

Pretty much the only time I got out of the house when Coco was here was for a trip to Target with her and the girls:

Cereal was a little on sale. We were running low, so I took the opportunity to stock up. The cart looked hilarious. Wish I had a picture of it.

Ever found things to do in our many hours at home, such as bookkeeping with her cash register and about 1,000 post-its:

Bag Lady took her on a couple of walks/bike rides:

On Saturday, April 18, Christian, Shandra, Tristan and Betsy drove down (they just moved to Ventura) to spend some time with us and to participate in Wren's blessing. Ever loved playing with the cousins. She and Betsy were very cute together.

Besides the family, we just invited the Karners and the Wilsons (Jeremy, Trish, Karen, and Carl) for the blessing. Trisha was out of town with the kids, so Jeremy came solo. Since we didn't want to have to deal with food prep, we decided to order pizza and just make a salad and dessert. We told everybody 5:00 P.M. We figured we'd start the blessing at 5:15, and we ordered pizza to be delivered at 5:30. We thought we had it figured out perfectly. Jim was about a minute into the blessing when the doorbell rang. I figured the Pizza Hut delivery guy would just keep ringing if we ignored it, so I started to go to the door. Bags stopped me and went to deal with him. I was so distracted, listening to Bags and the pizza guy, that I had a hard time listening to the rest of the blessing. It was pretty much a disaster. I was so bitter that we had calculated exactly when we wanted the pizzas delivered and ordered accordingly, and then he showed up at least 10 minutes early! Bags came back into the room, and we started discussing the disaster. She got teary talking about how sad she was that she'd missed the blessing. That made me realize that it was really sad, and I was really sad, and then I started crying. We talked to Mel and Shandra about what they remembered from the blessing, and later I talked to Jim about his experience and what he remembered, too. Here's the recap:

Jim blessed Wren that she will prepare to serve a mission and that she will be the type of person to go to the temple to be married to a righteous brother. He blessed her to study the scriptures. He blessed her that our home would be a haven and that Wren will recognize the difference between our home and the world outside. He blessed her that she will follow her sister's example and be a joy to us. Jim said that during the blessing he had the impression that she will be really spiritual, and he felt she'll be righteous. 

After we ate, we took a group photo courtesy of the timer on Bags's camera. Turns out the dress I wore was very unflattering.

Tristan leapt unto the coffee table in full-on silly mode for the second attempt, and Ever followed suit:

Bags took a few photos of the lady of the hour:

She wasn't a fan of the couch backdrop, so the photo session ended quickly:

We opened presents from Trisha and Dee and Shan. Everybody was so nice, and they gave us cute clothes for Wrenzo. Trisha also sent a "big sister" tool belt for Ever, complete with wipes, diapers, hand sanitizer, and goggles for those really big blow-outs. Pretty funny:

The Deetrixes stayed till Sunday midday. We gave Betsy her birthday presents early:

Tristan asked to hold Wren before they hit the road:

It was great to spend some time with the Deetrixes. We've spent so little time with them in recent years and are looking forward to seeing them more now that they are back in California. 

Bags left the following Wednesday, April 22. She was sick for the last portion of her trip and went a few days without holding Wrenzo.* She was excited to be back in business the Tuesday before she left. I was so grateful for all of Bag Lady's help. Jim decided that when she has a baby, he has to take a week off of work so he can care for our kids while I go to return the favor. I'm afraid I'm too lazy ever to be of as much service as Bags was, but I'll have to try. 

*For the record, "Wrenzo" is is the nickname we use most for the wee babe. Bags expanded it to "Lorenzo," which I had somehow not thought of. Jim also came up with "Rennifer." Sometimes it's "Wrenzo Lama" or "Lorenzo Lama" (after Lorenzo Lamas; I'm just not familiar enough with him to get it right), "Wrenny Pooh Bear," etc. So the nicknames are coming along. 

Wren at Home - The First Couple Weeks

Tuesday, March 24, we went home from the hospital. Wren's first car ride:

Jim took Ever to her last tumbling class on Wednesday. I was worried he would be really uncomfortable hanging out with the mom friends during class, but he did OK.

Mamo snuggled a lot with Wren. She would just lay the babe on her chest, and Wren would sleep and sleep. Since Mamo doesn't like pictures of herself, this is a close-up of Wren sleeping on Mamo:

Wren is a cute sleeper.

Like Mamo, Ever loves snuggling with Wren. Wren looks possessed here, but it was a nice sister moment:

We had Mamo with us for almost a week after we got home from the hospital. We just hung out at home pretty much the whole time, although we did manage to get out for a walk or two:

We had told Renei (Relief Society President) that we didn't want dinners, but she lined up a whole bunch of meals anyway. We had dinners every night for a week, including two dinners the night after we got back. Karen Bunnell up the street sent lunch down one day. Friends came by with treats. We had so much food that I began freezing whatever could be frozen and gorging myself on the rest trying to keep up. All those meals meant we didn't have to worry about cooking at all initially. Mamo got to spend her time focusing on the girls and helping with other stuff, which was great. 

Then there were the gifts. By the time Jim and I got back from the hospital, Mariah Koehle had dropped off gifts for Wren and a big-sister present for Ever. Many people brought gifts along with the food. It was out of control. We were blown away by people's kindness and generosity. It made me realize how awful I am that I almost never take dinner to people, would never think of taking a gift too, and certainly would never think of taking gifts for older siblings. Ever made out with almost as much stuff as Wren. One of the gifts she got was this giant coloring roll from Pam and Mark McEwan (less than half the roll is pictured):

I was grateful when the presents ceased so I could stop worrying about thank-you notes! 

Several friends also took Ever for play dates, to the park, to the beach, etc., so I had time with just Wren. They sent pictures so I could see how much fun Ever was having. She sure loves playing with other kids.

Mamo left on March 30. She was such an amazing help while she was here. She's a cleaning phenom and is so proactive about seeing what needs to be done and doing it. There's no better mom or Tutu in the world. I'm so grateful for all she is and does.

The first weekend in April was General Conference and Easter. That Friday night, the Rondos hosted their annual Easter party/egg hunt. I left Wren home with Jim and took Ever to the party. I felt a little like a celeb; it was my first outing since Wren's birth, so I got more attention than usual. Ever had a good time.

We got ambitious and had friends, Alan and Haleigh Bruns, over for belgian waffles and the Sunday morning session of Conference. The girls did pretty well while we watched - particularly Wren, who sleeps. I forgot how much newborns sleep. As you'll see in upcoming photos, Wren spent much of the beginning of her life sleeping and otherwise hanging out on this wonderful pillow Susan Oddou lent me:

She's been a really good baby. She generally doesn't cry unless she's hungry or overtired. She made it pretty easy to leave her on that pillow.

We had Easter dinner at the Karners' with the Karner/Oddou clan. I love doing holidays at other people's houses. Not cooking is my favorite!

Jim went back to work the Monday after Easter (April 6). That first day I was alone with the two girls, we barely left the couch. Ever was so good. She just hung out, kept herself busy or just sat with us. She is a good helper, and she adores her baby sister.

I only had three days alone before Bags came to help...

Wren Was Born - A Novella

I am finally going to catch up this blog, beginning with the story of the birth of our sweet new babe ...

My due date (3/13/15) came and went. I had some signs of labor and hoped I could avoid induction, but no such luck. Rob and Anna's kids had been hoping for a 3/14/15 birthday - a perfect pi baby - but alas. This was what the incubator looked like two days after the due date:

Induction was scheduled for Friday, 3/20. We checked into Palomar Hospital about 2:00 P.M. that day. Mamo had arrived on Tuesday morning, so she was on Ever duty at home. I told Jim as we were checking into the hospital, "Is it weird that I am more nervous this time than I was with Ever? You'd think I wouldn't be nervous since we've done this before." Premonition? Perhaps.

I tried to take some notes in the hospital about how labor went down. It seems kind of irrelevant and insignificant in light of what ultimately happened, but I suppose I'll include that detail since I went through the trouble. Note: I entitled the memo in my phone where I took the notes "Soren" because the baby was supposed to be a boy. Soren James. This birth surprised us in more ways than one.

Upon arrival I was dilated to a "tight 3," which was a little exciting and meant things should progress faster this time. They started me on pitocin about 4:30 P.M. and then increased it little by little. The hunger set in shortly after arrival. The liquid diet of broth, jello, juice, and icy/slushy stuff is better than nothing but doesn't quite cut it. 

By 1:00 A.M. I was on a high level of pitocin. I still wasn't really in pain, though, and was dozing a bit. They broke my water to get things going because they couldn't up the pitocin much more. They were surprised to find I was already dilated to a six (or a "five-to-six" - they kept downgrading after the initial assessment). The nurse warned me that I should ask for an epidural sooner rather than later so I didn't miss the window. I felt fine at that point but was nervous that I'd wait too long, and then suddenly the pain would be excruciating and I couldn't get an epidural and would have to die. So I decided to ask for it. And then pretty much right after I asked for it, I was really glad I did. The pain is not fun. I really don't understand how people survive labor without drugs.

I got the epidural around 1:30 A.M. I didn't throw up this time, as I did with Ever, but I experienced some weird tingling up my back and elsewhere and couldn't get comfortable afterward. While I'm certainly glad I got the epidural (that's an understatement), I did think it was a little weird this time, and I got a little freaked out by it. 

My contractions were really frequent - like every two minutes. The nurse stopped the pitocin thinking my body would take it from there, but then the contractions died off. By 3:15 A.M. I had made no further progress. They started the pitocin again, and I got a little sleep. The nurse came back about 5:00 A.M. and was finally able to get the contractions going again. I was dilated to a seven-to-eight, and the baby was starting to move down. Despite the epidural, I had a dull, low pain that wouldn't go away and was especially bad during contractions. I think it had something to do with the baby's head as it moved down. I did not enjoy it.

I think I started to push around 8:00 A.M. By then the Kaiser doctors on duty were Dr. Stucky and Dr. Moon, and Dr. Stucky was taking care of me. I had really liked all the doctors and nurses I'd dealt with so far, and Dr. Stucky was amazing. With Ever the nurses didn't seem to know what to do and had me pushing without doctor supervision. In fact, the doctor was nowhere to be found during most of my hours of pushing with Ever. This time, Dr. Stucky was there the whole time, encouraging me, coaching me, etc. - as it should be. I had a hard time getting the baby down past some corner or something. (I don't understand anatomy or labor and delivery.) At one point, Dr. Stucky said she may have to do a c-section or use the vacuum. The baby's heart rate was dropping every time I pushed (the cord was wrapped around her neck), so I only pushed with every other contraction to give the baby's heart rate time to recover. Dr. Stucky said as long as the heart rate came back up, I could keep pushing. Otherwise, she'd have to intervene. After about an hour and 15 minutes of pushing with every other contraction, Wren was born at 9:13 A.M. She was 7 lbs, 12 ounces. We were really excited that Ever got her sister. I almost feel as if Ever wished Wren into existence, like I always felt I did with Bags. I am also glad we had put some thought into a girl's name, even though when I tried to talk names with Jim, he said it was going to be a boy and if it wasn't we'd have a couple days in the hospital to figure it out. 

I told Dr. Stucky about how my placenta didn't want to come out after Ever was born, and the doctor had to go in and rip it out, which was incredibly uncomfortable for me. Dr. Stucky wanted to give the placenta the whole 25 minutes to try to avoid that. (It can take up to 25 minutes or so to come out. After that, it's a problem.) At first she kind of tried to help it out a little bit. She stitched me up as much as she could without having the placenta out yet. (I had second-degree tearing. She said I tore basically along the same line that I tore last time.) As time went on, things got more and more hectic. At one point she said, "You're losing a lot of blood." She started asking for Dr. Moon. It turned into, "Get Dr. Moon in here now! She has smaller hands." Jim said they were ripping the placenta out in pieces. I started seeing spots and feeling as if I were going to pass out. I wasn't sure what would happen if I did. Would I die? I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was taking really shallow, quick breaths, and I kept saying, "I can't breathe. I can't breathe." I could hear lots of people around, but nobody seemed to be attending to me. By that point my eyes must have been closed because I wasn't seeing anything anymore. I heard the word "hysterectomy," thought of our last embryos (really just the one good one we have left), and thought, "Surrogate." Jim said he was pushing the blood pressure machine over and over and told them to give me fluids. He said I was on the verge of coding. It's weird because I never heard his voice. I wasn't aware of being moved, but I heard them tell me I was in the OR and ask me to put some medicine under my tongue. Jim said he called "I love you!" to me as they wheeled me down the hall to the OR, but I didn't hear him. I must have been in and out - and out for the transport part.

I was in surgery for about three hours. Jim called Mamo, but she was driving and couldn't talk. He called Bags. All she got was, "She's bleeding all over the place. They're taking her into surgery. We need prayers." He was crying and hung up quickly. His third call was to Jeremy Wilson. Jim thought he was going to lose me and was wondering how he would raise these two girls by himself. He wasn't sure if Ever should be there if I died, but he wanted to be with her. So Jeremy brought Mamo and Ever to the hospital. Karen and Carl Wilson came, too. Pam McEwan (Trisha Wilson's mom) told us later that she (Pam) and Mark were with Gavin, Shawna, and the kids on a beach in Florida when they got a call from Trisha about me. They all got quiet and said prayers. I have been very touched to hear about everyone who rushed to support Jim and who prayed for me.

I woke up in recovery around 3:00 P.M. Dr. Stucky explained things to me then and then came back the next morning to go over everything again in further detail. (She also mentioned that she had wanted to call in the night after the surgery to check on me but had to restrain herself. She was incredibly caring and conscientious.) At one point while she was trying to get the placenta out, my uterus turned inside out. Apparently the plan was to take me into surgery, turn my uterus right side out, and put it back in. The hemorrhaging, however, resulted in my having to get a transfusion of six units of blood and an emergency hysterectomy. Turns out I had a condition called placenta accreta, where the placenta embeds into the uterine wall. When an accreta is diagnosed in advance, they generally plan an early c-section and hysterectomy. In the hours, days, and weeks following my delivery and surgery, Dr. Stucky went over everything with various colleagues and other departments to confirm that they could not have diagnosed it in advance (she had perinatology review my ultrasounds, and they couldn't see it) and that nothing else could have been done. She told us in the hospital she appreciated that when she went out to tell Jim what was going on, he said, "Just do whatever you have to do to save her." She assured us (and herself) over and over that they did what they had to do to save my life. The biggest risk factor for accreta is prior c-sections (which cause uterine scarring), but sometimes it just happens.  She guessed that maybe with Ever the cleavage plane had been missing (or some separation between the placenta and the ultrasound), which is why it was hard for the doctor who delivered me to extract the placenta, and then the ripping out of the placenta that time may have caused scarring that led to the accreta. We don't know.

I recently e-mailed my college roommate, Bethany, and told her about it because she's an OB. She said she was so glad I'm alive because "an unknown accreta and emergency hyst are complications where people don't always survive." She said she has only seen one accreta, and it was during her residency. She also said they usually are able to identify accreta before delivery. Apparently there are times when they try to take conservative measures and save the uterus (Bethany mentioned giving medicine to try to shrink the placenta that is still attached to the uterus), but I read that often when they try to take conservative measures, the women just have to come back a couple weeks later and have a hysterectomy. Dr. Stucky also said something to that effect, and I trust that Dr. Stucky handled everything properly.

Jim was very emotional about the whole thing for days after the delivery. He'd get teary and say, "I almost lost you." I still sometimes cry when I think or talk about it. I'm not sure why. Not because I lost my uterus but I guess mainly thinking about what it would have been like for Jim, in particular, seeing me hemorrhaging and wheeled off to surgery. He sent me a tender text in the hospital while he thought I was dying. I don't have it anymore, but it was something about how I couldn't leave him and he loved me, etc. He is the sweetest man, and I'm so grateful for the way he loves me. Thank goodness for modern medicine. If I had tried to do a home birth, I would be dead. It's crazy. I wish all the people who have home births would get a clue about how minimal the potential upside is compared to the risk.

Recovering from both a vaginal delivery and an emergency hysterectomy was less than ideal, especially when I had gone into the hospital with a cold and sinus infection. I felt good the afternoon immediately after the surgery. Dr. Stucky thought I was amazing. Then the next two days or so were really gnarly. The worst part was that I had to cough so badly and so often, but when I did cough the pain was excruciating and I worried my incision would blow open. Also I wet myself every time I coughed. (That was a major problem before delivery, too, when I had to lie there for hours wearing nothing but a gown.) That cough was really the icing on the cake. It was a dark time when they took the catheter out and made me start getting out of bed. All I wanted to do was lie there until I felt better, and that seemed like a totally reasonable course of action. Unfortunately they say moving around helps you heal.

Derrick and Melanie Karner came to the hospital Sunday evening and brought Mamo and Ever. I told Mamo to warn them that I was swollen to elephant-woman status. When they arrived, they tried to tell me I didn't look so bad. I didn't look at myself in the mirror until the following morning, and my face was so insanely swollen (eyelids, weird pockets under my eyes, etc.). I looked terrifying. And according to the nurses and Jim, it had been way worse on Saturday. I don't know how other people look good after giving birth when my face explodes. Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, is incomprehensible to me. At least this time the swelling in my face didn't set in immediately, so I could actually see Wren when she was handed to me.

By Monday I was feeling better, and we really wanted to come home. They wouldn't release me until I passed gas or had a bowel movement, though, and I didn't manage to do either that day. Jeremy and Trisha came to the hospital that night and brought me flowers and Coldstone ice cream. Then we got to go home Tuesday.

These are all the pictures I've got from the hospital:

I hate to include the ugliest picture in the history of the world, but Jim says I have to:

Ever took this one while she was visiting. Visible in the background is her new white church shoe, purchased by Tutu on one of the shopping trips they went on while we were in the hospital:

  

Mamo took amazing care of Ever while we were at the hospital. I never buy clothes for Ever and generally just make do with the clothes we've gotten as hand-me-downs, etc. Mamo took pity on the child and took her shopping, buying her tons of clothes, as well as books and other fun things. This was one of the fancy dresses they got:

They did lots of crafting and drawing while we were gone. They made a sheep involving cotton balls I wish I had photocized, along with these:

Ever loves spending time with Tutu, who is the best entertainer. Mamo said Ever started missing us at night but did well other than that. I'm grateful the timing worked out so Mamo was here when Wren arrived and was able to take care of Ever while we were in the hospital.