The Return to School Friends / Changing Schools

Wren is starting middle school, and since there's no way we'd be able to carpool with Leela and Rafi through all of Wren's middle-school years, we decided we should move her now, when everybody else is also new to middle school. Leela is starting high school with Ever, so she's out of JCS; unclear if Rafi will be returning. He wants to go to a middle school up here if he can get in. Losing the carpool is a deal-breaker. Even with the carpool, I'm so over the early mornings and the drive and the Friday homeschool (although the Friday homeschool is, in some ways, really nice). So we decided we finally have to move both girls, even though it's seriously heartbreaking for them and me to think about taking them away from their friends. We've been talking about it for so long, and it's been so hard. 

Tiny and Wrenzy had spring break the week of March 30-April 3, and then Ever's spring break was April 6-10. Since we went to Hawai'i April 7-14, the littles missed a week and a couple days of school after their spring break. We got back to Oceanside after 1:00 A.M. on Wednesday morning, April 15, and I let the girls sleep in. I didn't end up getting the littles to school until about 11:00 A.M. Tiny had an overnight field trip to the Star of India (aka the Euterpe), the world's oldest active sailing ship (born 1863), that afternoon (pics to be posted separately), so I walked her in with her stuff. When we opened the door, Miss Scher was reading to the class. Tiny walked in and started toward her seat. Kendall (who was closest), and then Kaia and Maya, rushed her and hugged her, so excited to have her back. Kaia's mom, Courtney, had already texted that morning to tell me how much Kaia had missed Tiny every day that she was gone. Miss Scher kept reading, trying to ignore the disturbance caused by Tiny's arrival, but finally started walking toward the reunited friends (while still reading). I slipped out before I saw the girls get chastised. Directly across the hall, I peeked into Wrenzy's classroom as her best friend, Fiora, met her near the door and gave her a bear hug, while Mrs. Hurst said warmly, "Hi, Wren!" I teared up  as I left the school, so incredibly devastated to be pulling the girls away from these amazing friends who love them so much. I talked to Bags as I drove home and had a serious cry. I was devastated. 

A few days later, I mentioned to Tiny how sad it had made me to see her and Wren's reunions with friends. She comforted me: "It's OK. I get $2 and monthly playdates." Ever had told her that every Wednesday at Palmquist (our Oceanside elementary school), you can get an ice cream cone for $1, and Tiny had negotiated for two ice cream cones a month if she switches schools. I had also told her that I'd make every effort to get her together with her JCS friends as frequently as possible. I felt so much better after talking to her, as she seemed to have made peace with this move. (Before, she got teary and devastated when I brought it up.) 

I finally e-mailed JCS (our Encinitas charter school) to tell them Wren and Tiny won't be returning next year (this fall). I received this response from the principal: 

Hi Whitney,

Oh, we were just talking about how we were afraid we would lose them with Leela graduating and the carpool situation.  I know we don't see you often but we all LOVE both of your girls so much and are so sad to see you go!  I'll never forget Arden carrying those giant Harry Potter books around in Kinder.  You are ALWAYS welcome here if you change your mind.  We also have some new Oceanside families coming if you want to reconsider and have us connect you for carpooling.

Warmly,

Cari

Such a nice, personal message! Makes me cry again. 

Tiny's Shoes Were Almost Stolen While She Was in a Tree

Tiny went outside to play and came back and told me a cute story. She said she was up the street in a tree by the tennis courts. Some guys came and were hanging out chatting by her tree. One of them noticed her Flojo slippers on the ground and said, "Somebody forgot his flip-flops. I wonder if these would fit Luke." I asked Tiny why she didn't say anything, and she said she'd been in the tree above them; they hadn't noticed her, and she'd been quiet for so long at that point that it would have been weird if she said anything, so she just remained silent. The guys moved away a bit, and Tiny dropped out of the tree, grabbed her slippers, ran down to the trail, jumped into a section of super-tall grassy stuff, and hid. She listened as the guy went back to grab the slippers and was like, "What happened to those shoes? I swear there were some here." She was really funny and animated as she told me this whole thing, and I really got a kick out of it. She's so great. 

Things the Girls Have Said, Part 6

Tiny

11/12/23 (Beware of long exposition about the difficulties of parenting and inconsequential details.) 

Jim and I wanted to go on a walk Sunday afternoon. We have been trying to make that a regular thing. We could not get the girls to cooperate with things that needed to be done before we went. We ask them to do something, and then they disappear. They take forever to do anything. We don't understand why it's so hard, and it's upsetting. Anyway, on 11/12, we were going to walk over to the park by McAuliffe Elementary, which they love. But they ruined everything, and we said there wasn't enough time before it got dark so the walk was canceled. Jim was doing something on his computer by that point, but I thought it would be nice to get out in the neighborhood, at least. Wren and Tiny went with me on the trail around the outside of the neighborhood. Halfway around, Wren wanted to come back early via the road while Tiny and I finished on the trail along the other side. So we split, and Tiny and I came upon a swing in a tree. I believe it was the spot where long ago there was a swing we discovered with the Rob and Annas, and Anders accidentally did a partial back-flip off it and then exclaimed, "That was awesome!" That original swing had been cut down years ago, and I had never seen this new one. Anyway, Tiny got to do some swinging in the twilight, and I just love the way she appreciates nature (and swinging). At one point, she said, "Wow, this is marvelous!" As she swung, leaning way backward, she went on to say something like, "It's so beautiful, with the trees and the blue sky." (The sky was a very dark blue, as it was getting close to dark.) 

1/3/24 - When I picked Tiny up from a playdate at London Yates's house, I asked her how it was. She said, "It was really fun. We completed everything we wanted to do." I love the way she talks. "Completed"? She also says "a bit" a lot, and it's my flave. See next quote.

1/9/24 - Skiing in Big Bear, Tiny always takes off first and races to the bottom. On one run, she wasn't at the lift line when I got there with Bear, and she took a couple minutes to join us. When she finally arrived, I asked if she'd fallen or something. She said yes, she'd fallen and lost a ski on "that side part." Trying to confirm where she meant, I said, "Oh, that dirt section at the top?" (We'd had almost no snow.) She said, "Yeah, but I didn't fall because of the dirt. I was just going a bit wild."  

2/2/24 - While working on homeschool...

Tiny: "Did you just toot?"

Me: "No. In my life, yes, but recently, no."

Tiny: "Yeah, because you've been alive a long time, like long time no whammies." 

The girls frequently use my made-up words and weird sayings, and it's my favorite. 

4/7/24

I told the girls I'm speaking next Sunday on tithing. Tiny ran upstairs and returned with the book Girls Who Choose God and said it reminded her of the story in the book called "A Generous Widow." It was so cute that tithing reminded her of the widow's mite story and that she ran to get it to help me. 

5/29/24

Me: "I could snuggle you all my life, Helen!"

Tiny: "And I could listen to you read The Hobbit all my life. While snuggling, of course."

6/9/24

Tiny made a list in a little notebook of the things she wants to do on her birthday: crepes for breakfast, family presents, grilled cheese for lunch, read, party with friends. (Later added family movie/slumber party.) I said, "I love that you have 'read' on your list." She said, "Of course reading has to be there! Without reading, what is it? How is it possible to be a birthday without reading?"

7/6/24, as Tiny was putting sprinkles on her birthday cake

Me: "Ideally you would have washed your hands before you did that." 

Tiny: "Ideally. But I'm not ideal." 

I've been noticing for a while that Tiny uses good words she's learned from books. The other day she said she was "able to tolerate" something. She also used the word "disown." She told me she understands a lot of words she has read but never heard. So I guess let's hear it for her excessive reading.

7/7/24, having received a little practice balance beam and gymnastics bar the previous day for her birthday

"I think I could be amazing on floor and beam. I'm the only one who can do tricks on the floor. I, personally, am horrible at beam, but I just need to learn balance." 

8/8/24

Ever had a small cavity at her dentist appointment. I believe she had one other small cavity when she was really little. Other than that, we haven't had any. Tiny was shocked upon hearing the news and said, with feeling, "You're a horrible person!" 

9/3/24 

"I know him. I necessarily know him. He has already attended school." 

She doesn't totally seem to understand the definition of "necessarily," but she has said it multiple times lately. I enjoyed her use of "attended." She also mentioned something about being "occupied" the other day. 

9/12/24

The lady a few houses up the street has annoying chickens that used to poop all over our driveway because she just lets them roam. They haven't been on our property for a long time, but two showed up in the backyard this afternoon. Tiny ran out and started shooing them with a broom, but they kept running into our glass doors because she was pushing them toward the house. Finally she got them along the side of the house and out through the side gate. She came back and reported that there were two, and "I think they are a married couple. I got one through the gate, and then it stood there and waited for the other one."  

9/22/24

Tiny and Wrenzy were building with Legos instead of going to bed, and I went to regulate but was also singing Phantom of the Opera music. Tiny said, "It's not the time to vocalize. You don't vocalize right before bed." 

6/9/25

The Littles have been on summer break for a couple weeks; Ever is finishing her school year in a few days. Today, the Littles asked me to play the game of Life with them. After I triumphed, Tiny said, "Well, you didn't actually win because you didn't have any children, so you'll be forever sorrowful." Wren says Tiny speaks like an adult. She sort of does, and I love it. 

7/5/25

Tiny and I were making her birthday cake, and she said we needed to spray the pans. I asked if we needed to spray and flour or just spray, and she said, "You can spray, or you can butter and flour. That's my understanding." 

7/11/25

Tiny told me she wants to have five kids and lots of grandkids. She wants the grandkids to be babies. I said, "You know babies grow up, right?" She said, "They'll have one baby, and then three years later they'll have another baby, and then three years later, they'll have another baby..." I said that the other grandkids will be sad when she only likes the babies, and she said, "I'll like them all. I just need to have new personages to make it interesting." 

That same day, Tiny was eating at the table while I was in the kitchen. She said, "I want to snuggle somebody." I repeated, "You want to snuggle somebody?" "Yeah," she said, "I feel like it." 

7/31/25

I asked Tiny to pick up the fly that was dying on the kitchen counter and throw it away. She said she'd pick it up and take it outside. I said, "Why does it need to go outside? Why can't you just throw it away?" She answered, "It needs a tomb!"  

8/5/25

Tiny tried a cookie I made, and I asked her how it was. She answered dramatically, "It was spectacular."

Wren

11/5/23 - Wren told me her life plan: JCS Mountain Oaks through middle school, Sage Creek High School, BYU, and then live in Wisconsin and drive a pink Jeep. "Do you know why I want a pink Jeep? Because pink cars are good luck, so I want to give people good luck." 

11/15/23 

Berry has been saying "I love you" a lot before bed. We go back and forth a few times. Here's a sample:

Me (or Jim) "'Night, Bear. Love you."

Bear: "'Night. Love you, Mom."  

Me: "Love you, Berry." 

Bear: "'Night, love you." 

Tonight she explained to me that she feels like she has to say "I love you" last because the person might die in his sleep. Or get kidnapped or something. I'm not sure if I should be concerned.  

6/13/24

While we were driving home from swim lessons, Berry suddenly said, "Mom? How much money does it take to start a business?" I told her it depends on the type of business. She said she wants to start a baking business (inspired by the cafe in The Bookwanderers) where they sell baked goods described in different stories (in other words, they're making and selling in real life the fantastic made-up treats from books). At home, she and Tiny were brainstorming, and Berry said, "I'm going to go get clothes on, and then we can talk more." They're so cute together.

6/30/24

Tiny warmed herself up some chicken nuggets, and she forgot that I had asked her to have peas and corn, too. We were discussing this, and Berry said, "Well she could just have some freeze-dog." I add "dog" to the end of lots of things. And the Littles often eat their peas and corn frozen instead of warmed with butter and salt as Ever prefers them. I just love to hear them say my weird language inventions.  

8/25/24

Wren and Jim made cookies quickly after church so that we could take some to our 1:00 meetup with a new piano teacher (and the rest to the Karners' that night when we went for dinner). As they were making the cookies, Wren started calling herself an "exceptionary" baker, confusing the words "exceptional" and "extraordinary." So she and Jim became the "Exceptionary Bakers." 

9/7/24

We are having a nightmarish heat wave and decided to take Wren home after her soccer game in the morning rather than have her wait in the heat for an hour and a half and then watch Tiny's game with us. I was talking to Wren about what she should do while we were gone, and she told me this was her plan: "Shower, get dressed, acai [she's obsessed with making herself acai smoothies/bowls], Wordle, piano, weekly job." 

She's like an old person, totally addicted to Wordle and other New York Times word games. She wants to do them every day. Ever got her into them.

9/always/24

While watching one of Ever's soccer games, Wrenzy needed to use the restroom and asked Tiny to go with her. Wren said, "I'll give you a favor, but it can't be, like, I don't have to go to the bathroom with you." And thus it came to our attention that the girls have a favor system. They ask one another other for favors and keep track and pay one another back when a favor is called in. It's pretty cute. 

7/10/25

After family prayer at night, Wrenzy has been asking me to carry her to bed "wedding-style." That means like a groom carries his bride over the threshold. She even lets me snuggle her face while I carry her, and it's amazing.  

8/5/25

Wren and Tiny played with Luc and Amelie Oddou and their cousin Olivia (who is visiting) this morning at our house. Wren and I had to leave for a piano lesson, so the other kids went up to Oddous'. At piano, Wren asked, "When we get home from piano, will they still be up there [at Oddous'], or will they have dispersed?"

11/2/25

Jim calls his phone his "dhone" (I don't know how to spell that, but it rhymes with "phone"). I sometimes use "dhone" but more frequently call it a "denwa bango," which means "phone number" in Japanese. I say "denwa bango" instead of just "denwa" (which would actually be the correct term) just because it's more fun to say. So one afternoon, Jim said, "Where's my dhone?" Wren said, "What's your dhone? Your denwa bango?"  

Ever

6/14/24

Wren, Ever, and I went to Leela's dance recital and took flowers. I was debating leaving the flowers in the car in water during the show and then running out to grab them afterward versus holding them the whole recital. I told Ever that I think I worry more about keeping plants in water than other people. She said, "That's funny because other people keep their plants alive." Truer words were never spoken. I kill everything instantly. Touché, Goose. 

8/8/24

Ever got super mad - like, crying mad - at me for not taking her to use a Starbucks gift card (which I desperately wish she had never gotten) after her dentist appointment on account of our recent excessive sugar intake and a lack of time (we had to pick up Mel and Alina Karner to go with us to middle school registration). Then when we got to MLK, she got mad at me for not telling her that she was going to get her picture taken. I said, "Add it to the list of things you hate me for." She retorted, "I will." Then, "It's a long list. There's not any more room." So this is not a fun memory but a parenting memory, nonetheless. 

9/4/24

We have a middle-school carpool going with three other Henie Hills girls - Alina Karner, Maggie Gustafson, and Evan something-or-other who lives near Maggie. We've been picking up the girls 20 minutes after school gets out so that traffic isn't insane. Conner Warr, a boy from the ward, lives close to the school and walks home. He started hanging out with the girls while they wait for their ride, and it's very cute. Ever came home from school today and said Evan asked, "Why didn't your boyfriend come talk to you today?" Ever said, "A) He's not my boyfriend, and B) [he's at] cross-country."

When I heard (and saw) Conner chatting with the girls (mainly Ever) after school, I suspected that there was a mutual crush, but I hadn't said anything to Ever. Her story about Evan's comment gave me a natural opening. I said, "I wondered if you and Conner had the hots for each other." Ever had never heard that term before and laughed about it. Then she said, "I'm going to date when I'm 16." I said, "And Conner is on the list of potential dates?" She responded, "All Mormon boys are." Enigmatic as to her feelings about Conner, but excellent answers.  

8/23/24

Ever was telling me about a boy in one of her classes, and I asked what his name is. She said, "I don't know. To me, he's a Gavin." 

10/4/24

Jim had an NWSL soccer game on, and the rest of us were doing things and talking in the vicinity. He said something about how he would really like to hear what the commentators have to say about that play, but he couldn't hear anything because everyone was talking. After a beat, Ever, who was sort of bending over near the couch for some reason, said, "Is that what they call ... microaggressions?" 

6/22/25

While walking by the Provo River and chatting, Ever announced that she is not getting married. "I'll go on some dates, but I am not getting serious with anyone, and I am not getting married." I asked why she didn't want to get married, and Tiny said, "Because dating, kissing, all of that." Ever concurred emphatically, "Yes, all of that." 

Jim (bonus)

8/13/24

Jim talks in his sleep not infrequently, and he has said some funny stuff. Tonight, as I was heading to bed he said: "Oh, no. Took my pants again, Par." 

White Girl

Ever laughingly told me two little anecdotes when she got home from school today.

1) Somebody in one of her classes asked her where she was going to go to high school. She said, "Probably El Camino, but maybe Coastal." A boy responded, "Don't go to El Camino. You won't fit in there. You should go to Coastal where all the white people are." (El Camino is our district school, and it, like the middle school Ever attends now, is majority Hispanic. Great Schools says it is 19% white.)

2) They were talking in her history class about how Christopher Columbus wasn't Spanish, and someone asked if he was really white. The teacher, Ms. Williams, replied, "Well, not as white as Ever."  

Wren's Favorite Things That I Say

Tonight, after I had just said "island view" (code for "I love you") to Bear, she said, "Guess what my favorite thing is that you say?" 

"Island view," I guessed.

"Yes," she said. "I also like 'wing na.' And 'egregious and Kathie Lee.'"

"Wing na" means "why not" and was originally inspired by the actress Ming-Na. I've been saying it for decades.

"Egregious and Kathie Lee" means "agreed." "Agree" became "egregious," which suggested [Live with] Regis and Kathie Lee. 

After I wrote this, Jim said he invented the whole "Egregious and Kathie Lee" thing, so maybe I don't get all the credit for the quirky sayings being passed down to our offspring. But I love it.

The Rest of November 2024

The biggers played in a piano recital. I think there was an optional Disney-clothing theme, which accounts for Miss Melissa's attire.

Jim left on his Mexico surf trip on a Thursday, and that Saturday I took the girls for frozen yogurt after Ever's soccer game.  

On Veteran's Day, Susan, Luc, and Amelie Oddou came with us on a walk on the Santa Margarita River Trail in Fallbrook. We hadn't been for a long time, and every time we had gone before, it had been flanked by amazing yellow trees. This time, I was disappointed to find an absence of yellow, but it's always good to get out. The kids got to greet a pretty horse before we started.

The kids were very cute together - at least after we told them that we'd take them out for a yummy breakfast if they hiked cheerfully.

We picnicked at the turn-around spot by the river.

We decided on The Breakfast Mug in Oceanside after the hike. All I remember about the restaurant was that all of our water glasses were filled with floaties. It was so bad that I had to point it out to the server. She brought us replacement glasses of water, which were filled with floaties just like the original round. We had to go out to the car to fetch our water bottles, and I vowed never to return. 

Katie Gustafson organized a giant group of church friends to go to The Old Globe theater in Balboa Park to watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas! It was a fun outing, and the girls really enjoyed the show (although Jim and I found it a bit over-the-top). 

Tiny wore her Converse into the ground, so to speak. 

Before we left for Baja Bound the week before Thanksgiving, a crew got started on redoing our front landscaping. They took out all the tile and grass, sloped the yard to get rid of the first step into the covered area, etc. 

Bunnells invited us again to be a part of their annual Baja Bound house-building trip (so happy we made the cut!). This time, we built adjacent houses for two sisters who are both single moms. It wasn't as emotional an experience as it was our first year with that amazing family that was so emotional and grateful for our help, but I'm always going to be so happy to be able to provide a family with a home. 

Ever played football with a group of kids.

Men and boys framed and roofed.

Kids and moms painted. And I lost my mind watching all the dirt get in the paint. 

The Bishop family (John, Chantalle, Zach, Elizabeth, Jared, and Charlotte) went this year and shared a room with us. That was a LOT of people for one bathroom, but it was helpful that the Bishops didn't shower while we were there (I think they were grossed out by the accommodations?). I still felt stressed trying to minimize my time in the bathroom because so many people had to use it, especially before bed. Also, I have to say that sharing a room with another family is a little weird for me at this age - the lack of privacy and all. It was all fine, though. We pushed bunk beds together so that Charlotte and Tiny could sleep on the top bunks and the inside child, at least, wouldn't be able to fall off (given that there were no raised sides on the bed). In the morning, we found that Charlotte had moved over onto Tiny's bed against the wall, and the girls were snuggled right up together. 

It was absolutely freezing at night this trip, so we had to pile on blankets and borrow a heater (which couldn't make it through the whole night, unfortunately). 

There were fun colorful ribbons strung up outside our dwelling.

Back at the site, the kids piled up rocks to make a sort of loose retaining wall. 

Wrenzy showed me her painted palms. 

Tiny was Jim's little drywall apprentice. 

We went to the migrant camp to distribute donations. Goosey became best friends with this adorable little girl who lives there. The Baja Bound people warn of lice at the migrant camps, so I was a little concerned about the extended, near head-to-head contact, but we escaped unscathed. 

Back at the building sites, Ever and Wren took turns snuggling with the babies. 

The third day we finished up and did the dedication ceremonies. 

Like last year, we all stopped at Trailero in Ensenada for tacos before heading back to the border.  Only Ever was happy about it; Tiny was very grumpy. It's tough to be an incredibly picky eater. 

We arrived home to find that the front yard had progressed swimmingly; the pavers were almost all in. 

We went to Home Depot to pick plants, having been told that the workers needed them immediately. We picked a bounch of succulents/deserty-type plants and some bougainvillaes, and I got poinsettias for Christmas. The plants ended up sitting around outside for many days before they got planted, so the bougainvillaes, in particular, were pretty much dead when they went in the ground. 

The Thursday after we got back was Thanksgiving. These two pictures are all I have to show for it. Some food and some sleeping people. 

The Friday after Thanksgiving, the girls went on a run (slash walk?) with me. It was so fun.

Tiny continues to slide down the banister every single time she descends the stairs. 

I asked Missy to clean the handrail and found her doing it in a Santa hat.

Wren and her team with Coach Alex.